Live like you were dyin'

Why Me Lord


Our rainbows were more colourful and wider but were positioned just like these…

Genesis 9:13 I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth


This is what happened as they moved from right side to seemingly overhead as I drove, the road beneath. But ours had 3 separate wide colourful arches.


The actual 101 Highway from Greenwood to Halifax, NS, where the rainbows displayed themselves in 2005

It was the week after the funeral. Others had to go back to work, the house was empty, the telephone would no doubt be ringing but my daughter, Cindy and I were alone. Life for the world was resuming. I had to get away for just a break from the oppression of heartache that engulfed our home. I thought I was running from people, those visiting or calling to add their heartfelt condolences. I couldn’t answer the question again with a polite lie that I was OK. I was dying. My life was shattered, my kind hearted, handsome son brutally taken from my life and no answers as to why. My beautiful, ambitious, caring daughter, my first born, struggling with anger that consumed her and a grief so profound it was physical. It was not anything anyone should ever have to carry, to watch my daughter heart broken was just as hard as dealing with my own grief. We were forcing ourselves to eat, sleeping for minutes at a time from sheer exhaustion but waking in terror. Hoping we were having nightmares but the reality was far worse than what we were dreaming. I convinced her to drive with me to Kentville to see my uncles, aunts, cousins anyone to distract us for just a moment. I thought I was running but maybe I just wanted to go where I knew I would not have to tell them I was alright. I likely would have driven to Botswana to ease the pain for just 5 minutes. Launched off to the moon if I could understand why or flew to heaven to bring Tyler back to us. That being impossible we drove to the Annapolis Valley. But a moment escape from the physical pain seemed just as impossible. The oppressive grief was not in the house it was in our hearts, our very souls. We visited, we hugged, we cried, we laughed reminiscing, we analyzed and surmised but at the end of the day the peace that had kept me standing was dwindling. Where was my son, why did I have to lose my child, how could I help my daughter when there was no way to help. Where were you God? Why did you leave us. I could never ever have committed a sin, so severe against You or mankind that would justify the punishment of having my only son taken; of watching my daughter and others that loved Ty suffer. This was not the work of a loving God. I knew God did not cause my son’s death. But I also knew God as all powerful and He had the ability to step in and save us and He did not. I knew there was a reason.  I knew someday there may be answers but by then we would be united and the ‘why?’ may no longer matter. Heading home, I was thinking there would be no peace for probably years and I may never feel joy again. As we drove it started to rain and Cindy was lulled by the hour drive and fell asleep. We were on the 101 driving from Wolfville to our home. As my heart was breaking I still thanked God for giving her a chance to sleep. It was then I topped one of the hills looking out over farm land and pastures. It was amazing. To my right were 3 separate and large arching rainbows stretching over the hills. I contemplated waking Cindy but that felt somewhat cruel. As I drove on the three rainbows suddenly arched directly above us and it felt as if I could drive through the arches. I said something out loud and Cindy stirred but went right back to sleep. I wish I had a camera, a cell phone like I have now or that I had stopped and let her witness that incredible phenomenon. I placed pictures here but the rainbows I experienced were wider and much brighter. As they moved from right side to overhead I could still make out the 3 separate rainbows. It was the most blatant show of God’s love I have ever physically witnessed. Did my son have something to do with that rainbow, was there something significant about not one but three rainbows? Was it a sign from heaven for Cindy, Tyler and I? I do not know, nor will I even guess but it was the most incredible sight I ever witnessed in my life time. I drove on but my peace was back, my strength renewed and my hope that someday, somehow, somewhere all would be made whole and right again.

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