Live like you were dyin'


We had just attended the sentencing hearing. It was 2009 after being in court over 25 times while the accused played the system. We called on family and friends who travelled distances, took time from work to show how much Tyler and Adam meant to us. So many that court was delayed for over 30 minutes to try to seat them. We read victim statements that tore our hearts out to write and re-write. We bared our heartache and our souls at the hearing. It was a nightmare experience. My poor mother, always so composed, cried in anger and sorrow for her grandson as she spoke her victim statement. My daughter sobbed uncontrollably with more heartache than anyone should experience in an entire life time as she gave hers. I begged people near me to get her, tell her she didn’t have to continue. We were told the accused was guilty of 2 counts of murder, two 25 year life sentences. But as normal procedure for 2009, those sentences and any other laws broken would be served concurrently (at the same time). The prosecution waived their rights to ask for double time credit for time served before sentencing, which was good, because it too could have been granted at that time. We could accept a 25 year sentence, we knew of the concurrent sentencing, we were pleased with no double credits, but we could not accept the judges’ ruling. The accused must serve 13 years before he was eligible for parole. Thirteen years for 2 lives, two families and extended families almost destroyed. The final straw was when we were told he was eligible for parole, in Canada, after serving a percentage of that 13 years. It translated to the accused eligible for day parole as early as October 2015. Media stopped us as we walked out. Not accustomed to giving statements or being interviewed and reeling from the judge not being swayed to a harsher sentence, I didn’t say anything intelligent. We left feeling as if someone had physically beaten us. The next day was just as horrible. All those people, there to support us and still the accused would be eligible for day parole in SIX years; full parole in NINE. We’d have to go through that emotional battery all over again. I hid in my house for days, I was devastated and emotionally beaten. Although I had to pull myself together and return to work,  I was still wounded. I felt terrible that family and friends gave up their time to be in court and some pouring their hearts on paper, yet the court wasn’t swayed.  I feel guilty for subjecting people to that courtroom. An aunt and her family handed me a gift as I left,  that day. It was a mother and child locket, I held it in my hands for hours and wore it faithfully afterwards, it gave me peace. Also, for some reason this song,  when strong enough again to briefly turn on the radio, was balm to my hurting heart.

My Old Friend- Johnny Reidcollage

Today I said goodbye to my old friend
I pray some day we get to meet again
Under one more clear blue sky
Up there where the eagles fly

And where and we’ll go walking in the sunshine
With a big smile on our face
Race the river to the ocean
Go splashing in the waves

_DSC0001And I’ll wrap my arms around you
We’ll be together once again
And I’ll tell you how much I’ve missed you
My old friend

Yeah, I know you’re up there looking down
On that rainbow bridge we talked about
There’s a place for me and you
Somewhere up there behind the moon

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